The one with pangs from the past

So life is testing me again.  At least I think that’s what’s going on.  Breaking free from the corporate world wasn’t exactly easy.  It was 2 years and a few months ago that I left.  Adios!  Bye bye.  I knew life would provide something better.  Something more fulfilling.  Even if my immediate future was not 100% perfect, it would be better.  And it has been.  I have flexibility to structure each day as I please.  Each day provides a different experience.  I got so tired of the same routine day in and day out, going to the office.  During the last couple of years I’ve tested out various work arrangements including location, number of hours worked per day, number of days I work per week, computing platforms and technologies designed to make all aspects of my life easier.  But now it has happened.  The day has come when my nice little world has been disrupted.  The corporate world, gasp!, has started to creep and crawl its slimy way back into my life. 

Life is all about compromise.   But where does one draw the line?  When does one draw a dotted line?  What about a dashed line?  I think this might be a dashed line.  I’m accepting a part time position as a W2 employee with a local company in order to continue doing the work I’ve done since I started DevDogz.  It’s complicated mess of government red tape and quotas and big company dismissal of work that actually serves a true purpose but just doesn’t make a hunk of money large enough to employee 5000 people at a time.  Anyhow, I just don’t like the corporate feelings that are creeping back.  Meetings.  Review meetings.  Red group or some crap-name meetings.  Teleconferences.  Salary negotiations.  Multiple reminders of who the “boss” is.  Driving to the office.  Name dropping and quotes of increased performance.  Let’s not forget the casual drops of  big business names that “we’re very excited to be doing business with.” None of it sits well but nothing is 100% perfect right?  My current obligation is only a few months long … it’s really just a thinly veiled 1099 position so that’s my shining star and my light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t like the feel of it but I’m viewing it as the crust of my peanut butter and banana sandwich.  You have to swallow a bit of it now and then but the center bites are really worth it all!

Another light at the end of the tunnel is the need for flooring.  Since the beginning of our remodeling effort we’ve said that flooring would be our last project.  16 doggie feet full of claws, furniture moved here and then there, paint splattering about, dust covering every square inch of everything, this pile of tools here, that pile of tools there … the floors would never make it through.  So, the floors had to wait until last.  Guess what we did today?  August 1, 2009 marked the day when we seriously started looking for flooring.  Yippeeee ta-da and hurray!  There are still many small tasks left to do: replace the fireplace face, install the kitchen back splash, caulk the half bath floor and toilet, install a baseboard in the laundry room, paint the guest room closet, refinish the front door, replace the door knobs, possibly purchase blinds.  The common thread with all of those things is that we could finish each one in a day, easily.  Since we’re actually having to put a little thought into “what we’ll do today” instead of having tasks fall easily into our laps, we know we’re getting close.  Just a few little to dos and some flooring and we’re ready for that big old For Sale sign and then Harvey.  Carrie will be so happy to have a new friend.  So will we!  Just think, in a month or two that big day may be here.  The day when we wander through an RV dealership, smiling so bright and genuinely, feeling a sense of freedom and hope … I can’t wait.

The other day I was thinking about the day when we’ll get to pick our Harvey.  It reminded me of the day John graduated from the Academy.  It was the first time we were both “free” together.  That day truly felt like a huge rock had been lifted off my shoulders and instead of standing, hunkered down or limping along with a monstrous boulder on my back, I was finally able to look up, stretch my arms out and see the light of day and the white clouds floating above.  I finally felt free.  I could make my own decisions.  I could do whatever I wanted.  But over the years that boulder came back and once again I’m trying to rid myself of it.   I just want to stand free again, extend my arms towards the heavens and feel the sunlight shining down on my face.  Here’s to September 2009 and a bright, shiny, short-lived For Sale sign.  Oh yeah, no more corporate crap too!

This entry was posted on Sat, Aug 01 2009 at 20:43 and is filed under Vanessa's Ramblings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.