The one with all the labels

If there is one thing that we Americans are good at, it is creating labels.  We label everything.  Other cultures may also engage in this sort of “categorization” to a greater or lesser degree so I’m not assuming Americans are alone here.  However, as I look around I see that we are a culture of labeling machines.  The funniest part of this discovery is the realization that I’ve struggled with labels all my life and didn’t know it.  I knew something didn’t “click” but had no clue what it was.  Well, now I know …. labels!

So I first started thinking about labeling while reading “A New Earth.”  Tolle opened my eyes to a method of categorization I’ve used all my life that is useful and necessary but restrictive and suffocating.  Parents teach their children to label from day 1, which is a necessary tool for communication and survival.  “That’s a tree.  Can you say tree?  That’s a puppy dog.  Do you like puppy dogs?”  Labeling allows us to learn, communicate and to be honest, survive in this world.  However, I realize that labeling can also be hazardous and limiting.

I am a software engineer.  I am a dog lover.  I am female.  I am I am I am, Sam I am.   But all these years, with all the labels that I gave myself and all the labels that members of society gave me, I never really felt like those descriptions were accurate.  The labels were true but incomplete in some way.  So, I’ve been mulling over the act of labeling and a couple months ago I finally realized why my labels are incomplete.  It started when I read another blog whose author is a well-educated, free-thinking college student.  How’s that for labeling?  Anyway, I read a comment about marriage being a tool of the state that is outdated and archaic.  It was something like that.  The point is, when I read that comment I immediately thought “He could have at least paraphrased instead of copying word for word from the ‘I am an independent, free-thinking, afraid-of-commitment and just looking for a good excuse for choosing to be single’ handbook?  And then more thinking occurred in my little head…

As we develop into “mature” human beings there is an intrinsic desire to belong to a group.  To know what we stand for and have the ability to say I am a member of such-and-such group gives us purpose.  It gives us an identity.  So, as we grow older and experience different people, ideas and situations we figure out what we admire.  I think, when we finally find something we admire, we try to find ways to become that thing.  We try to fit ourselves into that mold even to the extent of spouting off random quotes that maybe we don’t 100% believe in but know we should say to confirm that we really do fit into to our chosen mold.   This is where I started to experience discomfort in life.

At a very early age I started molding myself into the “career-oriented, well-educated, hardworking professional” mold.  Suits, skirts and pantyhose make up just one component of this mold.  I hate suits, skirts and pantyhose but alas, they are required to be a career-oriented, well-educated, hardworking professional.  Long hours at the office and a certain level of sacrifice for your work is another component of this mold.  I like being at home and have resisted giving up my own time for the sake of my job since the day I started working at Lockheed Martin. At the time they required a mandatory 45 hour work week with no compensation of any kind for that extra 5 hours.  I signed on as a part-time employee working 32 hours a week.  If I worked 33 hours, full-time status would have been assigned and the extra 5 hours demanded.  So I worked as much as I could without committing to the “free 5 hours” that really irked me.  Networking, name-dropping and fancy lunches with important people also seems to be a component of the particular label I chose to mimic.  Yeah, as you might guess, I’m not big on networking, name-dropping nor fancy lunches with “important” people I don’t know.

Then there is the animal lover in me.  I struggled for many years with my choice to eat meat.  I still think it is not “the best” moral decision ever but I’m hooked and frankly it’s so much easier and enjoyable to eat when you can eat meat and dairy.  Anyway, the list goes on and on with the labels I’ve tried to mold myself into that didn’t quite fit.  So, when I read the previously mentioned blog I started analyzing the things I do and say to see where I might be taking part in the same behavior.  When and where do I blindly quote things that I’m supposed to say to fit into one mold or the other?

The other incident that made me think about the labels I’ve chosen for myself was the purchase of a big old cowboy truck.  I remember turning to John and saying “We are never going to fit in with anyone!  We have 4 college degrees between the two of us but we’re running from the corporate/professional world.  We have been married for almost 9 years with no children.  We now own a small sports car, a family SUV and a big old red-neck truck.  We live in a nice, safe, “family-friendly” neighborhood that tends to appreciate each year but we’re fixing up the house to sell so we can live in an RV.  We’re a little bit educated, a little bit professional, a little bit hippy and a little bit red neck.  It doesn’t make sense!”  And then I realized, it DOES make sense.  We’re finally picking through this gigantic haystack of molds, picking out the individual needles that appeal to us.

I think in the end, John and I are simply starting to learn who WE really are instead of trying to be several stereotypes that appeal to us.  Yes, I love animals and will always fight for animals but I’ll also probably remain a meat-eater.  Yes, I will always love learning and I will always have my college degrees but I don’t have to be a CEO or even want to work in the professional world where you have to wear suits, dresses and pantyhose.    Yes, I will continue to eat organic foods, I will continue to purchase my meat from ranchers who specialize in truly free-range practices, I will continue to use a deodorant crystal instead of Sure deodorant and I will continue to believe in and practice Eastern medicine but I will not stop shaving my armpits nor will I ever sport dreadlocks nor live in a commune.  And finally, yes, I will drive a big old Superduty truck with 6 tires but you will never catch me in cowgirl boots and a cowgirl hat.

I am a lot of things.  As the days go by I am realizing that you can pick out bits and pieces from lots of different molds to form your own personal shape.   From the outside I may appear to be mixed up concoction of educated, animal-loving, hippy, hick characteristics but when it comes down to it, I’m Vanessa.  A mismatch of all kinds of stuff.  More importantly, I finally feel like my label makes sense.  It’s kind of an organization within the mess thing.

This entry was posted on Thu, Feb 26 2009 at 11:50 and is filed under Vanessa's Ramblings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.